Diary

!!! My dairy is going to be filled with raw and uncensored toughts, feelings and just whatever I've got in my mind(including controversial stuff, so buckle up buckaroo). If you don't like it, don't read it, and close my website !!!

5 february 2024
Playing pretend

As you know, nowadays everyone has a computer. Either a laptop, a desktop, a samsung smart fridge.. or maybe all 3. But.. does everyone KNOW what is a computer? What's it made of? How it works? Clearly, the answer is no. You might be wondering why I chose to talk about this subject. Well, earlier this day I met an acquaintance and we started talking (I didn't want to talk with her, she started talking to me). After I told her a few things about computers and, in particular, my adoration of them, she said how much she also fancies (I'll be using british vocabulary every now and then because that's the english I learned/like)(anyways I'm derailing) them and whatnot. And I'll tell you, I was pretty shocked. She never seemed the type to like computers or anything.. well I started asking her what she likes about them and you know, questions about software and hardware, hoping I finally found someone that I can sperg with(I do sperg about computers to my close friend but sometimes I feel like she's not interested. I wish she would sperg about them too, but she doesn't seem that interested in the technic part. She said she likes listening to me talk about my interests and passions, which is really nice, I mean that's what are friendships for, I guess. I do sometimes think I annoy her, but that's not the case and I know it but sometimes idiotic thoughts come into my mind)(lmao I'm deraling again, back on the topic). Her response? "Yea well I just love browsing Facebook on it" Clearly I wanted to do a massive facepalm. Yeah dude you're such a computer expert for browsing Facebook on it. After that incident if we may call it that, I kept wondering, why would she lie about being interested in computers? Just to make me impressed?(you're not making anyone impressed by lying about liking something you don't actually like, just to "fit in")
This was just an example of the main topic I wanted to discuss. Poseurs(also known as posers) - "One who affects a particular attribute, attitude, or identity to impress or influence others." As you know, these people exist in every single community out there. Like the gothic community for example. But I'll be focusing on the computer whizzes posers. I've heard so many people who say they're "interested" in computers, but only like retarded LED keyboards and lighting + more aesthetic crap. And that's about it, they never know anything in-depth about them, only on the surface level. I'm sorry to break it down to you but just because you have the most AESTHETHICC!!! setup evar doesn't mean you're a computer whiz. Quite the opposite actually(cough cough an attention whore). I understand wanting something to be aesthetically pleasing but c'mon... A computer has to be functional not a fucking special effect at an electronic festival. What I noticed is that these people do it for social media attention. They brag about how their kewl-hentai-generic-animu-girl LED desktop computer is the FASTEST and 5000000 FPS IN FORTNITE?!(and how others don't have such a "neat-looking" setup) on Reddit especially but also on Twitter etc, for, you guessed it, likes, "praises" and bum kissing. Narcissism at its finest.
It's clear to me and to people who are actually computer geeks that these bunch are just some ordinary Joes who try to seem "cool" because lots of "geek" stuff has been going mainstream (to a degree though) so there are undoubtedly going to be posers like these. The best method to meet likeminded individuals who are ACTUALLY into computers is either at conventions, computer clubs/meetups, Universities related to tech, science, engineering, expositions, internet meetups from more "niche" places if I can say so or from friends/acquaintances/family/etc (or you can make one of your friends a computer nerd).
Listen people, just don't lie about being interested in something if you're not actually passionate about it, or you're not trying to learn/be passionate about it. It's not fun (it's actually maddening and sad) for people who are actually searching for others into the domains/subjects/topics/interests they love so they can both have wonderful conversations about them. Just be yourself. This is it for today, have a great day/night.

8 february 2024
On the creation of my website

I decided I should give everyone reading this a more in-depth reason on why I created this website. First things first, I love web designing and playing with HTML/CSS (in general I love tinkering with stuff). I might also learn JavaScript one day, but I'm not so sure (EDIT 28.03.2024 : DISREGARD THAT, I'LL NEVER LEARN IT. NEITHER JAVA). I like my HTML the way it is. I think its neat having your own personal website since it's like building your own empire from scratch and I've always wanted to do this and write/share/upload/tinker/do whatever my heart wants with it. Second, I got tired BEYOND endurance with social networking sites. I did have a social media account (on one of the social media sites) once upon a time (lots of years ago), before I decided to delete everything for my own good. And I'll give you the reasons why I did so and why these social networking websites are a plague: toxicity, constant arguments about pointless things, unreal beauty standards, retardation especially about politics and such, genuine retardation that seems to dumben down people (especially those who lack critical thinking), attention whoring, narcissism, decrease in attention span, people lacking opsec and not knowing what's privacy by documenting EVERYTHING they do for no reason (like taking a shit)(yeah it's real), grooming and human trafficking, scams, clout chasing, the companies owning these platforms harvesting your data (and probably laughing at those posting themselves in awkward position, half naked almost every single day on Instagram), companies making the platform addictable with it's UI system, porn addiction, addiction to instant gratification, the whole influencer trend where they promote some shit deemed by them as "high quality" by acting astonished and pleased, but actually the product is low quality (they're famished for ze money), people with absolutely no talent getting famous for... no reason (ex: some botox lady got instantly famous because uhm idk!)(clearly with the help of bots too). I guess negativity gets the spotlight instead of positivity. And one final thing, bots. lots. of. bots.
So in conclusion, I just use this website, forums, some imageboards and some other websites (which I'll link here). Third reason on the creationg of this website is because I wanted to share to the world my interests and thoughts and maybe have conversations with people that share my mindset/interests/passions :> (also, if I make some language mistakes bear with me lel I'm ESL)

14 february 2024
Vidya Gaemz

I watched some interviews with Todd Howard on Fallout 4 and damn I really want to play it but I've got to finish some other games before starting this one (mainly Resident Evil 2 Remake and Resident Evil 6). Both RE games are almost finished (for RE2R, I'm doing Claires second run right now and I've got to get the keycard to the garage door)(I really want to get the final ending since I finished Leons ending). Some people said Mr X is more aggressive in the second run but I've barely seen him. Which is quite strange, but I'm not complaining lol. Oh also I have Fallout New Vegas installed and actually played for a while (5 minutes) but guess what, my save file got corrupted somehow so I have to start again from the beginning. I didn't do much progress though so it's fine. I also have Portal 1 installed so I'll play that as well after I start and finish the Portal 2 co-op (I finished the singleplayer game and my god I loved/hated the plot twist because I love(d?) Wheatley in the beginning. EDIT JANUARY 2026: SCRATCH all that, I played Portal 1 without even bothering with the Portal 2 co-op. I'll talk in another entry about that game though.

spoiler

(y'know, when he didn't switch to villain mode). I still like him even if he tried to kill me. He's a cutie.

I'll talk another day about Portal, now back on the interviews, Todds got a nice storytelling voice. He should write nursery rhymes kek.
Forgot to add, I've also been playing, quite a lot, Hearthstone. It's really fun if you like card games.