Diary

!! My dairy is going to be filled with raw and uncensored toughts, feelings and just whatever I've got in my mind (including controversial stuff, so buckle up buckaroo). If you don't like it, don't read it, and close my website !! (also, if I make some language mistakes bear then with me lol I'm ESL)

5 february 2024
Playing pretend

As you know, nowadays everyone has a computer. Either a laptop, a desktop, a samsung smart fridge.. or maybe all 3. But... does everyone KNOW what is a computer? How it works? Clearly, the answer is no. You might be wondering why I chose to talk about this subject. Well, earlier this day I met an acquaintance and we started talking (I didn't want to talk to her, she started talking to me). She brang up the fact that she bought a computer and I started involuntarily sperging about how much I love computers and guess what? She said how much she also fancies (I'll be using british vocabulary every now and then because that's the english I learned/like)(anyways I'm derailing) them and whatnot. And I'll tell you, I was SHOCKED because she never seemed the type to be a computer whiz (she was not). Well I started asking her what she likes about them and you know, basic questions about software, hardware, OS. (For the record, I wasn't expecting her to be a computer sperg or anything like that, I was just curious to see in what way does she "Fancy" computers)(also I do sperg about computers to my close friend but sometimes I feel like she's not interested. I wish she would sperg about them too, but she doesn't seem that interested in them at all. She said she likes listening to me talk about my interests and passions, which is nice. I do sometimes think I annoy her, but that's not the case and I know it but sometimes idiotic thoughts come into my mind)(lol I'm deraling again, back on the topic). Her response? "Yea well I just love browsing Facebook on it" REEEEEEE. Clearly I wanted to do a massive facepalm. Yeah dude you're such a computer expert for browsing Facebook on it. After that incident, if we may call it that, I kept wondering, why would she lie about being interested in computers? Just to make me impressed? (you're not making anyone impressed by lying about liking something you don't actually like, just to "fit in")
This was just an example of the main topic I wanted to discuss. Posers - "One who affects a particular attribute, attitude, or identity to impress or influence others." As you know, these people exist in every single community out there. But I'll be focusing on the "computer whiz" posers. I've heard so many people who say they're "interested" in computers, but only like retarded LED keyboards and lighting + more aesthetic "show-off" crap. And that's about it, they never know anything in-depth about them, only on the surface level. I'm sorry to break it down to you but just because you have the most AESTHETHICC!!! setup evar doesn't mean you're a computer whiz. Quite the opposite actually (cough cough an attention whore). I understand wanting something to be aesthetically pleasing but c'mon... A computer has to be functional not a fucking special effect at an electronic festival. What I noticed is that these people do it for social media attention. They brag about how their kewl-hentai-generic-animu-girl LED desktop computer is the FASTEST and 5000000 FPS IN FORTNITE?! (and how others don't have such a "neat-looking" setup) on Reddit especially but also on Twitter etc, for, you guessed it, likes, "praises" and bum kissing. Narcissism at its finest.
It's clear to me and to people who are actually computer geeks that these bunch are just some Ordinary Joes who try to seem "cool" because lots of "geek" stuff has been going mainstream (to a degree, though) so there are undoubtedly going to be idiots like these. The best method to meet likeminded individuals who are ACTUALLY into computers is either at conventions, computer clubs/meetups, Universities related to tech, science and engineering, expositions, internet meetups from more "niche" places if I can say so or from friends/acquaintances/family/etc (or you can make one of your friends a computer nerd).
Listen people, just don't lie about being interested in something if you're not actually passionate about it, or you're not trying to learn/be passionate about it. It's not fun (it's actually maddening and sad) for people who are actually searching for others into the domains/subjects/topics/interests they love. Just be yourself. This is it for today, have a great day/night.

8 february 2024
On the creation of my website

I decided I should give everyone reading this a more in-depth reason on why I created this website. First things first, I love web designing and playing with HTML/CSS (in general I love tinkering with stuff). I might also learn JavaScript one day, but I'm not so sure (EDIT 28.03.2024 : DISREGARD THAT, I'LL NEVER LEARN IT. NEITHER JAVA). I like my HTML the way it is. I think its neat having your own personal website since it's like building your own "castlel" from scratch and I was always drawn to this idea. To write/share/upload/do whatever my heart wants with my own personal website. Second, I got tired of the social networking sites. I did have an account on a social media site once upon a time (looooots of years ago) before I decided to delete everything for my own good. And I'll give you the reasons why I did so and why these social networking websites are a plague: toxicity, constant arguments about pointless things, unreal beauty standards, retardation especially about politics and such, genuine retardation that seems to dumben down people (especially those who lack critical thinking), attention whoring, narcissism, decrease in attention span, people lacking opsec and not knowing what's privacy by documenting EVERYTHING they do for no reason (like taking a shit...yeah...it's real), grooming and human trafficking, scams, clout chasing, the companies owning these platforms harvesting your data and making their platform(s) addictable with the UI system, pornography addiction, addiction to instant gratification, the whole "influencer" thing where they promote some shit deemed by them as "high quality" by acting astonished and pleased, but actually the product is low quality, people with absolutely no talent getting famous for... no reason (ex: some botox lady getting instantly famous because uhm idk!)(I mean, clearly with the help of bots too). I guess negativity gets the spotlight instead of positivity. And one final thing, drum rolls, bots!
I'm not saying these things can't happen in the personal website sphere or on TV for example, it's just that on social media sites it's been QUADRUPLED in intensity. Third reason on the creationg of my website is because I wanted to share my interests/passions/thoughts and maybe have conversations with people who feel/are the same. In conclusion, I just use this website, some forums, an imageboard and some other websites (which I'll link here).

14 february 2024
Vidya Gaemz

I watched some interviews with Todd Howard on Fallout 4 and damn I really want to play it but I've got to finish some other games before starting this one (mainly Resident Evil 2 Remake and Resident Evil 6). Both RE games are almost finished (for RE2R, I'm doing Claires second run right now and I've got to get the keycard to the garage door)(I really want to get the final ending since I finished Leons ending). Some people said Mr X is more aggressive in the second run but I've barely seen him. Which is quite strange, but I'm not complaining lol. Oh also I have Fallout New Vegas installed and actually played for a while (5 minutes) but guess what, my save file got corrupted somehow so I have to start again from the beginning. I didn't do much progress though so it's fine. I also have Portal 1 installed so I'll play that as well after I finish the Portal 2 co-op (I finished the singleplayer mode and my god I loved/hated the plot twist because I love(d?) Wheatley in the beginning. EDIT JANUARY 2026: SCRATCH all that, I played Portal 1 without even bothering with the Portal 2 co-op. I'll talk in another entry about that game though.

spoiler

(y'know, when he didn't switch to villain mode). I still like him even if he tried to kill me. He's a cutie.

I'll talk another day about Portal, now back on the interviews, Todds got a nice storytelling voice. He should write nursery rhymes (kek).
To add, I've also been playing, quite a lot, Hearthstone. It's really fun if you like card games (and Warcraft).

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How I got into Warhammer

First things first, I've heard of Warhammer since I was younger. Although, I didn't bother to ask/check what it is or what does it mean. Fast forward in august 2024 I went on a trip with my parents to London. The overall experience was really nice, we stayed in a typical 19th century english building (the bathroom was waaaay too small). While we were heading to the British Museum, I suddenly see a Warhammer store in front of my eyes and I HAD to go in (I was already interested Warhammer way before going to London). That's when I bought my first set. Considered by many a "beginner set" (and rightfully so), I bought the Termagants and Ripper Swarm + paints set (with the guidance of a really nice guy who worked there, shout out to him). He showed me around and gave me some beginner tips and tricks + a "greeting card" with a bunch of useful links to official websites. This was such a fun set to do but sadly one of my Termagants broke its tail (RIP). I'm looking forward to get into Warhammer more than I already am (since I'm a newbie). I don't think I'll play the video games though, I'd rather keep this a physical game.